Which Scary Movie to Watch for Halloween? Use this guide as your handy mood ring to help you decide

One comment

Oh, you know, the standard:

Fine, whatever, Nightmare on Elm Street it is

Oh, okay, classic standard:

The Exorcist

Ugh, real life is scary enough:

13th

HyperNormalisation

Gimme Witches:

The VVitch

Gimme witches but maybe only kinda scary and don’t eat babies:

Stardust

I prefer a more positive portrayal of my witches:

Bell, Book and Candle

Maybe a little bit naughtier:

The Witches of Eastwick

I like my horror with creepy children:

Children of the Corn

The Omen

I like my horror with creepy children who speak German:

Goodnight Mommy

No wait, same story but in Korean:

A Tale of Two Sisters

Gimme orange-colored blood:

Anything by Roger Corman in the 1960s-70s, but try Masque of the Red Death

I like my horror with a dose of feminism:

The Descent

Maybe not so scary–say, black and white, as long as it passes the Bechtel test:

The Bat  Vincent Price gets top billing, but this is Agnes Morehead’s movie.

The Bat German Poster

Nah, I like my horror with ’90s feminism:

The Craft

I like my horror as a straight up allegory for feminism:

Teeth

But dammit, it has to be intersectional:

Sugar Hill

But not with tired voodoo tropes:

28 Days Later

I like my horror with a dose of feminism but also pulpy exploitation:

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

Faster Pussycat Kill Kill

And a lot of monologuing and stretched-out discussions unrelated to the plot:

Death Proof

Blacksploitation w/ commentary on white aggression but will overlook requisite exploitation nudity:

Dr. Black and Mr. Hyde

Dr Black Mr Hyde 1976

Or I’ll just trust Jordan Peele and his horror and social commentary:

Us

Us 2019

I like watching horror films, but hate being interrupted every 20 minutes to go to the door for trick-or-treaters:

Three…Extremes

I like my horror to be unsettling:

Donnie Darko

I want unsettling and in Greek:

Dogtooth

Unsettling Greek but in English & it’s one of your favorite films:

The Lobster

The Lobster 2015

Unsettling with Cold War anxiety

Possession

I like my horror to be unsettling and almost unwatchable:

Oldboy

I want to wonder what the hell I’m watching:

Phantom of the Paradise

And question all my life choices:

I Spit on Your Grave

Whatever happened to good old-fashioned ghosts?

Kwaidan

Haunted houses do it for me:

The Others

Especially Japanese haunted houses:

House

But my 12-year-old stepdaughter is obsessed with The Shining:

The Shining

Grady Twins shot

You know what? Space actually scares the shit out of me:

Alien

Alien 1979

But, like, with badass military:

Aliens

Aliens 1986

With Michael Fassbender:

Prometheus

How about with TWO Michael Fassbenders?

Alien: Covenant

Circuses and carnivals freak me out:

Carnival of Souls

Especially with Alejandro Jodorowsky:

Santa Sangre

Terrifying carnivals but more psychologically accessible:

Something Wicked This Way Comes

Something Wicked This Way Comes 1983

God and the Old Testament terrify me:

Mother!

Gimme Shakespearean:

Warm Bodies

Dammit, gimme highbrow and Shakespearean:

Titus

Throne of Blood

Throne of Blood Japanese Poster

Wait, lowbrow and Shakespearean:

Theatre of Blood (bonus for Lady Tyrell fans)

Even lower-brow with James Earl Jones randomly quoting Othello:

Blood Tide

I want to make my friends hate me:

Human Centipede

I have a high threshold for unbearable things and I hate fascists:

Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom

We needs vampires! We needs it!!!:

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (because they’d better not goddamn sparkle)

With adolescent angst:

The Lost Boys

Lost Boys 1987

With even more adolescent angst:

Let the Right One In

Never mind, I’m team werewolf:

Ginger Snaps

Werewolves and irony:

FDR: American Badass

Gimme Zombies:

Train to Busan

Zombies forever:

Planet Terror

But with Bill Murray:

Zombieland

I just wish David Bowie would come back to life as a vampire:

The Hunger

But I’ll settle for Tilda Swinton:

Only Lovers Left Alive

Speaking of, I want a universe in which Big Ed and Nadine stay together:

The People Under the Stairs

I always wanted a monster film set at a ski resort:

Snowbeast

I like when real monsters are human beings:

Green Room

Or when the scarier white people turn out to be the pseudo-liberals you thought you could trust:

Get Out

Nah, I just want Ash:

Army of Darkness

No one talked about mummies yet:

Bubba Ho-Tep. There you go.

I want something literary, about writing (and I’m still upset that Mary Shelley was such a bad biopic):

Gothic

Gothic 1986

I feel like I should go to the source, but is there a good Frankenstein movie?

No, but watch Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein anyway

But then I feel guilty not watching a feminist horror film:

The Bride

The Bride 1985

Is there anything with a Babadook in it?

Don’t Look Now

Dammit, I’m going to be home alone with my mom:

Rebecca

But she’s kinda down for weird culty shit:

The Black Cat

1 comments on “Which Scary Movie to Watch for Halloween? Use this guide as your handy mood ring to help you decide”

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