Which Scary Movie to Watch for Halloween? Use this guide as your handy mood ring to help you decide

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Oh, you know, the standard:

Fine, whatever, Nightmare on Elm Street it is


Oh, okay, classic standard:

The Exorcist


Ugh, real life is scary enough:




Gimme Witches:

The VVitch


Gimme witches but maybe only kinda scary and don’t eat babies:



I prefer a more positive portrayal of my witches:

Bell, Book and Candle


Maybe a little bit naughtier:

The Witches of Eastwick


I like my horror with creepy children:

Children of the Corn

The Omen


I like my horror with creepy children who speak German:

Goodnight Mommy


No wait, same story but in Korean:

A Tale of Two Sisters


Gimme orange-colored blood:

Anything by Roger Corman in the 1960s-70s, but try Masque of the Red Death


I like my horror with a dose of feminism:

The Descent


I like my horror with ’90s feminism:

The Craft


I like my horror as a straight up allegory for feminism:



But dammit, it has to be intersectional:

Sugar Hill


But not with tired voodoo tropes:

28 Days Later


I like my horror with a dose of feminism but also pulpy exploitation:

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

And a lot of monologuing and stretched-out discussions unrelated to the plot:

Death Proof


I like watching horror films, but hate being interrupted every 20 minutes to go to the door for trick-or-treaters:



I like my horror to be unsettling:

Donnie Darko


I want unsettling and in Greek:



Unsettling with Cold War anxiety



I like my horror to be unsettling and almost unwatchable:



I want to wonder what the hell I’m watching:

Phantom of the Paradise


And question all my life choices:

I Spit on Your Grave


Whatever happened to good old-fashioned ghosts?



Haunted houses do it for me:

The Others


Especially Japanese haunted houses:



You know what? Space actually scares the shit out of me:



But, like, with badass military:



With Michael Fassbender:



How about with TWO Michael Fassbenders?

Alien: Covenant


Circuses and carnivals freak me out:

Carnival of Souls


Especially with Alejandro Jodorowsky:

Santa Sangre


God and the Old Testament terrify me:



Gimme Shakespearean:

Warm Bodies


Dammit, gimme highbrow and Shakespearean:


Throne of Blood


Wait, lowbrow and Shakespearean:

Theatre of Blood (bonus for Lady Tyrell fans)


Even lower-brow with James Earl Jones randomly quoting Othello:

Blood Tide


I want to make my friends hate me:

Human Centipede


I have a high threshold for unbearable things and I hate fascists:

Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom


We needs vampires! We needs it!!!:

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (because they’d better not goddamn sparkle)


With even more adolescent angst:

Let the Right One In


Never mind, I’m team werewolf:

Ginger Snaps


Werewolves and irony:

FDR: American Badass


Gimme Zombies:

Train to Busan


Zombies forever:

Planet Terror


But with Bill Murray:



I just wish David Bowie would come back to life as a vampire:

The Hunger


But I’ll settle for Tilda Swinton:

Only Lovers Left Alive


Speaking of, I want a universe in which Big Ed and Nadine stay together:

The People Under the Stairs


I always wanted a monster film set at a ski resort:



I like when real monsters are human beings:

Green Room


Or when the scarier white people turn out to be the pseudo-liberals you thought you could trust:

Get Out


Nah, I just want Ash:

Army of Darkness


No one talked about mummies yet:

Bubba Ho-Tep. There you go.


I want something literary, about writing:



I feel like I should go to the source, but is there a good Frankenstein movie?

No, but watch Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein anyway


But then I feel guilty not watching a feminist horror film:

The Bride


Is there anything with a Babadook in it?

Don’t Look Now


Dammit, I’m going to be home alone with my mom:



But she’s kinda down for weird culty shit:

The Black Cat



1 comments on “Which Scary Movie to Watch for Halloween? Use this guide as your handy mood ring to help you decide”

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