By Oh, you know, the standard:
Fine, whatever, Nightmare on Elm Street it is
Oh, okay, classic standard:
Ugh, real life is scary enough:
Gimme Witches:
Gimme witches but maybe only kinda scary and don’t eat babies:
I prefer a more positive portrayal of my witches:
Maybe a little bit naughtier:
I like my horror with creepy children:
I like my horror with creepy children who speak German:
No wait, same story but in Korean:
Gimme orange-colored blood:
Anything by Roger Corman in the 1960s-70s, but try Masque of the Red Death
I like my horror with a dose of feminism:
Maybe not so scary–say, black and white, as long as it passes the Bechtel test:
The Bat Vincent Price gets top billing, but this is Agnes Morehead’s movie.
Nah, I like my horror with ’90s feminism:
I like my horror as a straight up allegory for feminism:
But dammit, it has to be intersectional:
But not with tired voodoo tropes:
I like my horror with a dose of feminism but also pulpy exploitation:
And a lot of monologuing and stretched-out discussions unrelated to the plot:
Blacksploitation w/ commentary on white aggression but will overlook requisite exploitation nudity:
Or I’ll just trust Jordan Peele and his horror and social commentary:
I like watching horror films, but hate being interrupted every 20 minutes to go to the door for trick-or-treaters:
I like my horror to be unsettling:
I want unsettling and in Greek:
Unsettling Greek but in English & it’s one of your favorite films:
Unsettling with Cold War anxiety
I like my horror to be unsettling and almost unwatchable:
I want to wonder what the hell I’m watching:
And question all my life choices:
Two words: Body Horror
Three more words: With Nicholas Cage
Whatever happened to good old-fashioned ghosts?
Haunted houses do it for me:
Especially Japanese haunted houses:
But my 12-year-old stepdaughter is obsessed with The Shining:
You know what? Space actually scares the shit out of me:
But, like, with badass military:
With Michael Fassbender:
How about with TWO Michael Fassbenders?
Circuses and carnivals freak me out:
Especially with Alejandro Jodorowsky:
Terrifying carnivals but more psychologically accessible:
Something Wicked This Way Comes
God and the Old Testament terrify me:
Gimme Shakespearean:
Dammit, gimme highbrow and Shakespearean:
Wait, lowbrow and Shakespearean:
Theatre of Blood (bonus for Lady Tyrell fans)
Even lower-brow with James Earl Jones randomly quoting Othello:
I want to make my friends hate me:
I have a high threshold for unbearable things and I hate fascists:
Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom
We needs vampires! We needs it!!!:
A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (because they’d better not goddamn sparkle)
With adolescent angst:
With even more adolescent angst:
Never mind, I’m team werewolf:
Werewolves and irony:
Gimme Zombies:
Zombies forever:
But with Bill Murray:
I just wish David Bowie would come back to life as a vampire:
But I’ll settle for Tilda Swinton:
Speaking of, I want a universe in which Big Ed and Nadine stay together:
I always wanted a monster film set at a ski resort:
I like when real monsters are human beings:
Or when the scarier white people turn out to be the pseudo-liberals you thought you could trust:
Nah, I just want Ash:
No one talked about mummies yet:
Bubba Ho-Tep. There you go.
I want something literary, about writing (and I’m still upset that Mary Shelley was such a bad biopic):
I feel like I should go to the source, but is there a good Frankenstein movie?
No, but watch Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein anyway
But then I feel guilty not watching a feminist horror film:
Is there anything with a Babadook in it?
Dammit, I’m going to be home alone with my mom:
But she’s kinda down for weird culty shit:
You really, REALLY don’t want me to pass math, do you?
LikeLike